Hey guys. So this week has been a quiet one. I’ve been struggling with a few things that have led to a few almost-migraines, so I’ve been taking it slow.
I’m writing this having just done my Saturday usual of watching Real Housewives Of Beverley Hills whilst painting my nails. Peak goals right there. I love the programme. I love the glamour, the outfits, the shoes and, of course, the bags. I love seeing women being successful and reaping the rewards. One thing I don’t like, is the bitchiness. I guess this is what attracts a lot of people to the show in some ways, but it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I’ve always tried to stay away from drama and just really tried to get along with everyone, if I can!
This week threw a few obstacles in the way of my pragmatism.
Ever since I started blogging, I knew I needed help by ways of Twitter Chats and Facebook Groups for advice and inspiration. So I quickly started following a few blogging groups on relevant social platforms. I had heard rumours of trolls on the internet and I remember my boyfriends’s brother warning me about this when I first started. My response? It’s cool, I can deal with it. Again, harking back to my attitude of getting along with everyone.
I was expecting trolls pointing out that I’m ugly or fat and was ready for it, but I didn’t get any of that. Instead, I get the warm embrace of the blogging community and their wisdom. From then on out, I had regular retweets and sharing of posts, brand spanking new followers on Instagram and a regular surge in my stats. Go me!
And then, on Tuesday that all changed.
I’m not gonna go into details and waste everyone’s time with gossip and hearsay. Plus I really want to have to avoid typing “allegedly” before every sentence. Especially as this drama is likely to go legal! Just look up my recent tweets…
In a nutshell, a blogging group I was with turned out to be quite flawed in their approach, and had earned the reputation of being so amongst many bloggers. I found this out by sticking up for someone who left the group and I was then attacked for doing so. The owner shared v personal things about this young lady and that is just wrong. So I said so.
As a lady in her mid 30’s I guess I know certain things shouldn’t be said because I have been a manager, and the confidentiality around team members’ personal issues is one that many of the teens on the WhatsApp group simply don’t know.
But why were these people all against me? I guess it is because they felt protective over their group. Maybe to them, this blogging group is the little security blanket they need to continue blogging. They don’t want to hear that the founder might (allegedly) be wrong! Damn I had to use allegedly….
Whilst reading all the nasty messages I received in retaliation to sticking up for this girl, I remembered that I had signed up for an “exclusive membership” to this group, for the small fee of £20 a month. This was quickly discovered by many on Twitter and most were appalled that a group would charge bloggers anything, seeing as most marketing companies get their fee from the brand, not from the blogger. So I quickly canceled my membership and left the chat.
I quickly lost Instagram followers. My posts received less likes and I felt unloved. I felt (very much) like I was at school again, being picked on and laughed at and counting down the long hours until I could get home into my comfort zone with my cats and my films.
As an adult, I have learned to cope with these situations better, but I do sometimes still retreat into myself. I don’t talk to anyone and I convince myself I don’t need them. I wanted to stay away from the blogging community and just live in my little bubble of Ralph and cats and Cumberbatch.
Why should I care that a few people I never met no longer follow me? Why would I want people following me that don’t know the plain difference between right and wrong? People that follow the herd because they don’t know what else to do.
Because, in a way, it does matter. You care what people think of you and you hate the thought that, for whatever reason, people don’t like you. Why don’t they like me? What can I do to change to make them like me again?
So, I did what I do best, I poured my feelings into a blog post and I feel so much better already. Some part of me still has my confidence knocked and is screaming at my Instagram “WHY DON’T YOU LIKE MY POSTS ANYMORE?!?!” I also did a little bit of shopping because aint nothing gonna make me feel better like a little shopping spree. Sorry bank account.
The truth is, you can’t make everyone like you. Some people out there just like drama and some people, you really don’t need anyway. I absolutely did the right thing in sticking up for this young lady and I encourage anyone reading this to do the same. If I lose followers for doing the right thing, then I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
I will get my followers back up and it will be from like minded people who like me, not because a blogging group compels them to, but because they happen to also like cheeseburgers, cats, Cumberbatch, cardigans and Cath Kidston! (Note, I do have other interests, but I started off with things beginning with a C and just went for it)
Also, a little note of warning to new bloggers – be aware of any groups that require payment. I feel like such a pillock for having signed up. No group should charge and if they do, alarm bells should start ringing.